As a French child, I can tell you that in summer, we were never going to bed until quite late - and I have magical memories of long hike with my grand father in June where we could see, smell and feel the summer night coming. I raised my children the same way in the US, and most of my neighbors in the suburb are doing the same. I see kids going for a stroll with their parents in my american suburb at 8:00 pm on a school night in May, and it is fine. My main issue with the way America does childhood is the obsession with sports - and how early it becomes a competition. For me, that is the most detrimental to children in the US; all the sports are oriented to create “champions” way too early and cut the options of just playing a sport because it is fun and healthy. Also, it should be much cheaper to participate.
Getting divorced when my son was still quite young highlighted why exactly we were not meant to be together. My ex-husband's household is run with military precision. Bedtime is 7pm and not a minute later. Calories in, calories out. Exercise is a religion and children talk about 6-pack abs before they can run. There was no room for spontaneity and joy was most certainly not on the menu. As my son got older, living in that atmosphere caused enormous unhappiness so he lives with me full-time now. Common sense and balance will create more well-rounded humans any time. That is a hill I will die on.
I just wrote an article about how I have felt imprisoned by my sons sleep schedule and it's almost as if Substack sent me this article in response! I really needed to hear this!
I think the big elephant in the room is early bed times enable parents to participate in American capitalism. If your kids are in bed at 7 (and hopefully can go to sleep alone without your assistance!) you can “log back in” and do more work. Or maybe you don’t but it’s your precious time to take care of yourself as a parent because you didn’t take care of yourself all day (because capitalism means you should work all day and shuffle your kids to activities that you pay for and then put them to bed and maybe then you’ve earned a moment of peace but go to bed early to wake up early and churn out more). Structuring your day around your kids and relaxed fun inherently means you’re not structuring it around maximum productivity. I’ve chosen this relaxed sleep lifestyle here in the US and it definitely had an effect on my performance in corporate America (and I’m ok with the impact on my earning potential and long term promotion prospects). Additional food for thought! Thank you for sharing this!
Absolutely! We went on holiday to France last year, our daughter was nearly two. No rushing around long late naps in the afternoon and all the kids were up and happy to go to bed later. No stressing about waking up early. It was liberating what being a parent could be like if all the work stuff wasn’t so rigid. It’s such a shame. Looking forward to our next trip there soon!
It must be my French ancestry because we rarely go to bed before 10. Homeschooling helps in that way. My husband gets home late, I value eating as a family so we rarely eat by 8. Then there are evening chores and winding down. Occasionally, I suddenly decide to be strict about lights out at 10, but it usually doesn’t work.
My older son is quite a low sleep needs child so we quickly ditched the 7pm bed time and life got so much better. We now have dinner around 7 altogether and get to spend time together after childcare and work. It also means I don’t stress about events and holidays as I’ve realised he just rolls with it. My younger son is only a baby and he sleeps wherever and whenever he needs it so will be interesting to see what his sleep needs are like and if this approach will work for him too
I had my first 2 girls in my 20s and now have 2 more girls in my 40s. It is so interesting to see how the sleep routines have changed with the younger 2: they want to be up with their older sisters so they basically are on a teenagers schedule so that their wake times align. My babies still sleep 12 hours a night and take a 2-3 hr afternoon nap…it’s just coinciding to maximize time with their more night-owl sisters. We are delighted they can connect and don’t try to superimpose a certain “schedule” on them; however, we do religiously enforce a routine so that their sleep is consistent every day (even if it’s at an hour or 2 later with our 2 youngest than it was a decade or so ago with the older 2).
As a French child, I can tell you that in summer, we were never going to bed until quite late - and I have magical memories of long hike with my grand father in June where we could see, smell and feel the summer night coming. I raised my children the same way in the US, and most of my neighbors in the suburb are doing the same. I see kids going for a stroll with their parents in my american suburb at 8:00 pm on a school night in May, and it is fine. My main issue with the way America does childhood is the obsession with sports - and how early it becomes a competition. For me, that is the most detrimental to children in the US; all the sports are oriented to create “champions” way too early and cut the options of just playing a sport because it is fun and healthy. Also, it should be much cheaper to participate.
Getting divorced when my son was still quite young highlighted why exactly we were not meant to be together. My ex-husband's household is run with military precision. Bedtime is 7pm and not a minute later. Calories in, calories out. Exercise is a religion and children talk about 6-pack abs before they can run. There was no room for spontaneity and joy was most certainly not on the menu. As my son got older, living in that atmosphere caused enormous unhappiness so he lives with me full-time now. Common sense and balance will create more well-rounded humans any time. That is a hill I will die on.
I just wrote an article about how I have felt imprisoned by my sons sleep schedule and it's almost as if Substack sent me this article in response! I really needed to hear this!
I think the big elephant in the room is early bed times enable parents to participate in American capitalism. If your kids are in bed at 7 (and hopefully can go to sleep alone without your assistance!) you can “log back in” and do more work. Or maybe you don’t but it’s your precious time to take care of yourself as a parent because you didn’t take care of yourself all day (because capitalism means you should work all day and shuffle your kids to activities that you pay for and then put them to bed and maybe then you’ve earned a moment of peace but go to bed early to wake up early and churn out more). Structuring your day around your kids and relaxed fun inherently means you’re not structuring it around maximum productivity. I’ve chosen this relaxed sleep lifestyle here in the US and it definitely had an effect on my performance in corporate America (and I’m ok with the impact on my earning potential and long term promotion prospects). Additional food for thought! Thank you for sharing this!
Absolutely! We went on holiday to France last year, our daughter was nearly two. No rushing around long late naps in the afternoon and all the kids were up and happy to go to bed later. No stressing about waking up early. It was liberating what being a parent could be like if all the work stuff wasn’t so rigid. It’s such a shame. Looking forward to our next trip there soon!
I wish I’d read this when my kids were little! I really needed to chill out.
It must be my French ancestry because we rarely go to bed before 10. Homeschooling helps in that way. My husband gets home late, I value eating as a family so we rarely eat by 8. Then there are evening chores and winding down. Occasionally, I suddenly decide to be strict about lights out at 10, but it usually doesn’t work.
My older son is quite a low sleep needs child so we quickly ditched the 7pm bed time and life got so much better. We now have dinner around 7 altogether and get to spend time together after childcare and work. It also means I don’t stress about events and holidays as I’ve realised he just rolls with it. My younger son is only a baby and he sleeps wherever and whenever he needs it so will be interesting to see what his sleep needs are like and if this approach will work for him too
I had my first 2 girls in my 20s and now have 2 more girls in my 40s. It is so interesting to see how the sleep routines have changed with the younger 2: they want to be up with their older sisters so they basically are on a teenagers schedule so that their wake times align. My babies still sleep 12 hours a night and take a 2-3 hr afternoon nap…it’s just coinciding to maximize time with their more night-owl sisters. We are delighted they can connect and don’t try to superimpose a certain “schedule” on them; however, we do religiously enforce a routine so that their sleep is consistent every day (even if it’s at an hour or 2 later with our 2 youngest than it was a decade or so ago with the older 2).
Very flexible sleep habits here - EXCEPT when we are sick. Then it's early bed time, naps and sleep in.
Naps for small children are also not negotiable. We time our long drives to coincide with naps if we aren't at home.
But summer? That's for playing and running around and feeling the twilight settle down.